A Travesty In Her Majesty’s Pajamas And You’re Indicted

I wrote this while I was in court, Victoria BC. This epic poem is intended to be presented as spoken word. It is a call to incite awareness about how law is carried out in Canada, but not so specifically elsewhere in the world. We need to unite behind our common beliefs. It seems to be the order of the day to serve up the rights and civilities of the commoners. We pay taxes, we run the show, but where is our opinion in all of the mess?

After two years of court, costing Canadian taxpayers over $660,000, I was found guilty by a jury of my peers, and sentenced to 45 days in jail for forceable entry into the Parliament Buildings, a public enclosure requiring no admittance for Canadian citizens. Several precedents were set during this case, including the ability of seizure of footage from news media by the RCMP. But the truly ironic part is that I was pushed into the building.

The setting of this play is in Victoria, at the legislative capitol of British Columbia. The Queen herself has flown out to play the role of a prostitute, who is selling her services to the hungry legislators of the government who become the Johns. The lower class “unwashed masses” are considered the John Doe’s.

The Storming Of Her Majesty's Royal Heinie

Canadian justice, but what is the law?
Fluorescent lights to feed the plastic jaws
And the humdrum hum of the air conditioning
Hardwood cells for deadbeat hell
The facade of the crackle and the cackle of puppets
Automated tales of this alienated dream

The scheme of things, what of words and screams
What of wood and streams?

In a circle of remorse with the drum as our voice
Crying out in reply at the question of choice
And the crying eyes and still we will

Picture plot I think not but the book says so
Pages full of twisted truths, ramble on Rendell
Kids, women, men - forcible entry is on all of them
We all went as one up into the dome
That old breeding seething viper pit they call the throne
Come as we may on the very same day
As the National Guard and the MLA

But the stammer stop slip slop drip drop flop
Du Et Mon Droit, address the Fourth Reich
Prostrate yourself before the lordship you like
And walk away rich from this hubbub fish dish
Drawing from the lies and the rules of the game

It's all the same, just a silly game
It's all the same, just an insane shame

Supreme injustice in the courts of law
Rumblin in their tumbleys to be quick on the draw
And the drip drop stops on the crackpot sludge
Grumblin and a mumblin over corporate fudge


Picture perfect cop shop slip slap slop
Droolin logical lingo and rhetorical glop
Click cluck quack bumblin bimbo schmuck
Slippin donut hole dogma from a ding dong duck

The jury's set to go on so the blood starts a flowin
Crackin jokes and crying out for order in the court
And the gleam in the eyes of the slothful and wise
From the venom of the vipers they support

The transformation takes its place in the crown and on his face
Reluctantly dragging their feet in the mud
Technological questions shot down in spite
By the crown of shame where the questions gain their might

Rubber room jibberish jowls and lies
Declared by the oath on her majesty's thighs
But in front of the selected collective consciousness
The actual truth is shown by a look in the eyes

Now it's no surprise that the simple are wise
But the word is unknown and unheard by the true
Innocence is guilt, the cry of the prey
But the true use no words so the truth shows the way

The steady-mumble jumble in a fangle dangle lingo
To initiate the jury in this fecal lingo bingo
Storytelling shortcuts and opinionated lies
How shall the people know the truth mummified by this disguise

Cautioned and advised smartly hypocrisized
Insulted and convicted through the words before their eyes
Catchy phrased philanthropists pledge their souls away
To the root of their feelings and the fruit of the day

Now the props are all in play and the stage is set
The extras have been chosen from the civilian net
Clarify and justify at every point in sly reply
Clamoured glossy golden swill in which to dip the jury's quill
Plain as day I saw it sir, I saw the man go down
And wipe his lips across his face to circumsise the crown
What nonsense can be quite as sane as royalty's self ordained game
Rhymes of ritual whimsically spun into halos and robes and badges and guns

(Sergeant Swanton takes her majesty the queen Regina's vagina into his hands and rubs his lips across her clit saying “I do”)

Softly spoken swiftly said the witness hangs his scowling head
Stuttered stanzas repetitive prose faces red to spoil his pose
And the stammer stop drip drop slip slop flop
Spills the crimson carpet out into the protocolic glop

Aborting the distortion of the clarified extortion
Blatently denying any questions by the crow
Swirling twisted tailored drivel mocking majesty's throne
And the bile settles in their guts as the jury is led home

Cross examination is multiple choice
Where the answer is found in the tone of your voice
The shim sham button scam runnin round the point
All eyes on the video it's going to stop

Drop your train of thought and feel for a second
To be real or not to be sealed in this phantasy
The movie reel winds into the minds it looks to find
But a bit of shared emotion just a trace of something kind

Something everybody knows is right, a feeling everybody likes
What of words and screams, what of wood and streams
What of passion rage and other things?

And the vipers schmoozing venom oozing out along the hall
Cowering in her majesty at the nzabardja call
I will eat you, I am here, I will eat you if you fear
I will eat you if you cower in her majesty's brassiere


Are they brass or are they golden, some cheap alloy that was molten
To form this structured shiny ring to wrap around the whole damn thing
Of tales told the old shall weep and young by night the fables keep
The tables weighed out from their hearts to play the part of wolf or sheep

So bow your honor, kiss the feet of all the people on this street
To pledge your soul away to everybody that you meet
Because they are your subjects you must become their throne
And since you demand their full respect you must respect their home

Out the stage into the lawn where the cameras roll on
Eyes and ears of tainted trust between the people and the state
Simple truths and stunning passage from some puppies send a message
To civilian minds the conscience gets a picture of the bait

Standing even straight and strong still the crowd meanders on
In the pushing and the pressure that the force is centred on
Heavy doors are set in steel now crack open like a fissure
And the steady flow of people crowds up into the room

Public safety stated lightly is a force quite often mighty
To avert the hasty hands to grab a piece of the pie
On either surface of the bubble there is brewing bickered trouble
And the boiling pops the needle drops in the middle of the muddle

Surging forward in direction is a force that needs attention
And the holders of the shoulders try to stabilize the flow
Unintentional misconduct, a result of unseen conflict
Between the forces of constriction both in and outside of the door

Come what may, what we know as the answer is a matter of opinion
From the tales of the people now involved in the melee
And a slip upon the tile floor met the pressure on the door
To give away in fumble jumble over people where they lay

Trim and prim and sitting proper now the prince shall meet the pauper
In his rabid room of ruling doom, whatever is the matter
Should we simply search and seize or should we export them like trees
Or maybe bring the court of Kanada directly to it s knees
Mass consciousness of the people face to face with mass denial
By appointed corporate lackeys now accepted in the trial
Sending jargon juggled lingo to the prosecutor's tangle-
Disregarded by the jury as a self triumphant BINGO

Frowning faces turn to smiles as the evidence is shown
And the bickering and flickering increases on the throne
Cries of anguish rage and pain travel through the windowpanes
To the hearts and thoughts of those to which the verdict has been lain

Run due process past the limit at the cost of all the people
Who are seated in the courts and who are listed on the jury
Charge them each an equal portion and demand the full extortion
From their pocketbooks and taxes - might that cause a little worry

Now a paid by public theatre where we all can play a part
Spending time dissolving dialect in her heinie’s royal farts
Would seem to be rather boring and redundant to the likes
Of those who might engage themselves in the legal martial arts

Why don't they just go send for pizza to celebrate the whole event
And let his lordship file for another precedent
And hire all the heads of state to gather round the press
And masturbate upon the queen to show their false success

Maybe grim and trim and loyal to the shim sham royal-slop
Feel the silence in the theatre and hear the needle drop
Upon the courts in disrepute - the scratch is plainly seen
From news reports and media who wipe the record clean

A joke might we so rightly say now comes before the courts
But a bumble jumble gamble which the evidence supports
And the drama set in motion shows to prove in this commotion
That the charges which were laid now go against that which they purport

Questions asked of freelance freedom to recall the full charade
Answered clearly through the murky haze setup by this facade
Bring the trial to a boil, add to that with remarks loyal
All the legal lies and perjury -to watch the show be played

Steaming hot and screaming murder now the truth is broken open
And the queen in full contempt of court is taken as the token
Finding room between the lies where her majesty resides
In the bedroom of the prosecution where she takes their lives

Dreaming turkey tailored stuffing in a cranberry beret
Knock the knickers from his lordship so her majesty can play
Fondling buttons on the chest of drawers to open up the courtroom doors
And show the jury what the actors have to bring to them today

Oh by the way I mentioned rhetoric but who can rightly know
Where these fine outstanding members of our country are to go
When the hat is set before them and the straws have all been picked
And the rabbit pokes up from the hat to call itself the verdict

Tick tock picking up the slack of all the clips and all the cracks
Pressing water from the eyes of all the hearts left in the room
Take the clutter and the clatter with the litter of the matter
And you find in it a slacker who has written his own doom

What of honor to the truth to show our fondness of our mother
By respecting both her body and the bodies of each other
Where your body is a temple then our mother is the queen
And the actions we have taken are to wipe her body clean

Justify this through your actions, feel the conscience of your mind
And the elements you're looking for are never hard to find
Be they sly or wise or pitiful the space between the lines
Leaves the civil serpents groping for the drawstrings of the blinds

Spiffy styled brill creme sliding out beneath his tongue
Slapping slimy statements where the prejudice is done

Clapping hands and bongo heartbeats while accusations fly
For the leading of the little sheep in the blink of an eye

Scales of justice guiding gliding slipping on the slick
Dripping civil serpents slime out from the mire and the ick
Calling names and pointing fingers losing sorely in this theatre
Acting out the full length script in this bird cage.made of brick


Chin stuck out in strong defiance with three lawyers in alliance
All for one and one for all - about the cell do you recall?
Details blurring in the absence of notations of the practice
Just relying on his memory to state the protocol

Nothing written down or proven to the jury to be true
Fact of fiction is the question so the answers up to you
Stories told for sleepyheads to pass away the time
And to cover up the boredom of the charges and the fines

Broken glass and shattered sheltered dreams imprinted in the ears
Left to coverup the memories forgotten through the years
Bits and bites from donutholes crumbling tumbling down
Mixing evidence with phantasy to wipe away the tears

Take your glasses off in spite and curse the matters of the day
Why can t legislative scumbags just be left alone to play
And this precedent before the court will set the story straight
As to valid legal process where the balance hangs it's weight

Shutter vision leads to tunnel truth accepted by the throne
Of the images before the court run through the legal comb
Applications for mistrial set the balance on the edge
Both of severance and common sense to bring us safely home

Who is that woman and what does she do?
is that what she actually does or is it what she's told to
And the man who sits behind her, why exactly is he there
When he frowns at this society, propriety he swears

Grease gleam glinting stammer slop on the wall
Grim drab crackpot muppet quoting legal protocol
Bite the butter but you better bring a blunt butterknife
Ruff and Bland and good old Bailey wailing on the radio
Calling out for WHO at burger king,to come out for the show
What's it matter Mr Crow, get on with it I'd like to know
About the Stevenson slap happy scam - the swan has got to go
Wincing winking from the throne, sighing when the truth is shown
Grilling bacon on the stand greasy sloppy messy bland

Now in the room you had some notes, or is that fiction that you wrote
Cowan cowering in contempt of the truth as it's invoked

Of aiding and abetting to the causes of bedwetting
In the chamber of her heinie and her loyal lackey drones
And with help investigating in this act of procreating
The crow has proven that his evidence is set before the throne

Bits of bongo brought sterility to circumsise the stand
Where his scalyness is wed and promptly taken by the hand
Confessing sins of Youngblood spilled across her royal dress
And wipes the sweat across his brow to signify distress

New vocabulary brought before the court starts turning heads
Dreadlocks taking up the slack where strings had broken in the webs
And-the mention of the very same has thrown back into the game
An issue of importance in examining the dreads

Now on the steps as we recall a cordon has been frayed
To keep the great unwashed at distance from the royal maid
Only those with plastic pretence should be given full admittance
To proceedings in the chambers where her majesty gets laid

Poker faced and drifting off in space the witnesses reply
To the questions laid before them pulling strings and passing by
What’s the point and what’s the relevance of what he’s got inside his pants
And snapping back in insolence the judge resigns to die

Pointing fingers through the curtains, forehead wrinkled in dismay
Smearing glasses thick with oil, hair receding turning grey
Lips pulled back in grim concern or mocking trivial foreplay
And the creases in his brow have formed a new one there today


Giving leighway on the runway at the ceremonial doors
Open only for the lackeys and the sleazebags on these floors
Bolted bracketed and fastened to secure against the action
Giving in to all the pressure of two hundred people more

Withdraw your stiffy to its holder and let’s try a second chance
But the moment slips away while he buttons up his pants
Verbal orders rules and regulations never heard before
Given out within the melee of this crazy circumstance

Royal policy lays loyal to the phallacy to soil
Both the character and garments of the people in the hall
Have they caught a strange disease, merely scratching at the fleas
To exterminate the symptoms and the illness one and all

Now the crispy crunchy chamberlain holds before the state
All the protocol and rules of her heinies magistrate
All the bulging and the bustle in the brothel starts the hustling
Of the johns (or are they john does) forward to the pearly gates

Corporate deadbeats testifying hands in pockets fondling change
Clinking clanking belly banking to the bible runs his chains
Under oath of truth declaring blatant damages go blaring
Through a bullhorn in the bedroom of her majesty's deranged

White gloved navy blue and blackened holding back the throngs
Flailing miserably failing in persuasion of the johns
Just to catch a glimpse of Harcourt's dick inserted in the throne
Representing democratic justice witnessing the wrongs

Just to see her royal heinie prostrate on the crimson carpet
As the civil serpents slither slather all around her thighs
Fingers raised in victory through broken glass so all may see
When the legislative lackeys take away her chastity

Now the curtain's broken open on the play as it unfolds
Testifying yessir nosir short and choppy with his prose
Pointing fingers blindly throwing accusations in the haze
Drifting in with gale winds across the parliamentary maze

Regimental uniforms to fire the queen's salute
'Patriotic authority represented by the troops
To put the courts in disrepute let's just subpoena this galoot
And show his movie in the court to set the story straight

And now the bicker flicker babble sends the jury to the hall
To kick the crown around the room and disregard the call
Of a traitor in the witness booth, led up there by the hand
Drooling fundamental flabbergap to drip upon the stand

Never summoned testifying for the image of his ego
Just to separate the good guy bad guy prejudice in people
Dribbling drabble blabble of opinionated blasphemy
Of second hand vasectomies sworn before the steeple

Maybe trim and prim and loyal to the shim sham royal slop
Throws his slippery sloppy statements in this legal lip-lock glop
Hey Mister Foy you're just a ploy for this sleazy magistrate
Now biting back, a sorry snap for the prosecutor's bait

Upon the stand the truth lies waiting.
Misting in and out of reality's sight
Electric buzz stop stock watch the smile as you talk
Beady black in structured fury, fowl and dark as night

Prosecutor's phantasy looming glooming haze
Eyes shut glinting glazy squinting lazy at this phase
Shadows hazy flicking tricking television plays
Reaching down with pointed fingers cast upon the daze

Legal words tumbling down verbs jumbled by the crown
Excusing one to hit and run eleven stand to face his frown
Scowling smile, fact in trial cancel court to calm the bile
Logical mental absence of process evidentiary clown

Cheesecake crumbling jury grumbling laughing at the lunacy
With final words of concrete function jumping at hypocrisy
Smirks and glimmers shimmers and smiles tolerant pillows to soften the trial
Ricochet rhetoric knocking of wood the color of right is well understood

Let the lying and the cheating begin
With slander from the crowd in the rumble and din
What's the charges did you say, I'll take the special of the day
We'll fed you cow and pig and cantaloupe to wash the venom down

Look at the circus see it rolling around
Stuck in the machine in the cookie jar's frown
Blast of wind flying in the air channeled through pipes
To the rooms and fights of wooden worry gripe

Now resolved dissolved in the muck and the mire
Rag soaked in blood soul fish jumping through fire
Flick the light switch back kick the judge on track
In the black singe on the fringe walk the plank some more

Knock again on the door sparrow’s flight to take the floor
And now the play unfolds to let the fierce wind blow
Cold snow freezing cracking smiles standing down
My notes are in the room its doomed the room is near the notes are here

A hoax a plot conspiracy a plan to stop the lunacy
Just to crack the egg the whip the worlds arms reach out to trip no doubt
No reason for the treason pompous pampered for the season
Smells of old socks and peppermint deodorant and wax

This whole charade is pretty lax smells like burnt rubber in the slacks
And robes and dickies petty pity grumbles temper tantrum talk
Walk the plank stinky stanky ripping roaring boring
Pick the scab on the sore and throw it on the crimson floor

So help I Jah, to the most high all thanks and praises be
And show the truth in open sight for all those souls to see

And guide their hearts safe through the dark and keep their spirits free
To find what's righteous in the seed implanted in the jury